Decolonize Your Mind
This has been a major theme for me since the Great Conjunction (Saturn and Jupiter coming together in December 2020) because I found myself in a space where I was lost, in a fog, unable to move forward and unwilling to move backward. Let me explain…
I was working on some big projects—in the midst of some deep, meaningful content creation, when I slowly found myself grinding to a halt. I was still inspired by the work I was doing, but I couldn’t seem to get anything done despite the quickly approaching deadlines. The closer I got to the date, the more tightly wound, stressed out and scatterbrained I was. I felt like I was walking through a thick marsh full of quicksand and every time I got a leg free and took a step forward, I got stuck again.
This is something I typically loathe doing as I am a workhorse. Give me a task, and I will dive in, full force until I get it done. Sometimes that means skipping a meal, or risking injury (aggravating past work injuries related to working on a computer for 40+ hours a week, more on that later).
As a Capricorn (sea-goat) in Western Astrology and an Ox in Eastern Astrology, I take pride in my work ethic, drive, ambition. Depending on the job, I even thrive when faced with a challenge and a deadline. But as I pushed harder to meet some deadlines I set for myself, I was met with resistance. So I took reluctantly took pause and examined where my head was at.
Naturally, I did a Tarot reading for myself, watched a general Tarot reading by a couple of my fav youtube card readers, checked my horoscope, meditated, followed some journal prompts, you name it, I did it. I had to get to the bottom of this…funk. All signs, messages, seemingly random affirmations sent to my phone daily, all said the same thing:
“Sometimes high expectations become barriers that prevent us from seeing where true opportunities lie. When something blocks your path, find happiness in the detour.”
“Let Your Soul Choose. A New kind of understanding may be reached today. And with that a new world of possibilities. The challenge is to be guided by the soul and not the mind, as it has done in the past. Clear your Throat Chakra to make the best choices for your growth.”
“Change Is Growth. Everything is unfolding exactly how it is supposed to. All the pieces are coming together. Now you have to learn how to surrender to the impermanent nature of our reality. The fear wants to push or pull, but the wheel is always turning. That’s your lesson.”
I threw my hands up, stopped pushing forward and decided to listen. To sit still. To trust that the answers I was looking for were coming to me. Slow down. Stop. You’re doing it wrong. Stop pushing so hard. Take a breath. Enjoy a moment in the present.
I shifted focus and examined the effects the pandemic has had on this country; how our already broken system was having a come-to-jesus moment and we all had to learn how to pivot. The healthcare system, the school system, the food industry, etc. all being held by the skin of their teeth. I realized my own internal reality was mirroring what was going on outside.
We’re doing it wrong. We have been for a while. The way I have been going about it is no longer serving me either. I realized, albeit very slowly, that I’m in a space where I’m breaking the mold. I’m decolonizing my brain, my work ethic, how I get things done. Taking time to pause is more beneficial than working nonstop til you finish it. (I mean duh, but who does it 100% of the time?)
All that is to say, I finally understood the deep conditioning I was used to; applying a westernized, patriarchal work ethic to spiritual study, energetic and intuitive healing practices was all wrong. I was risking burnout, writing superficial content, and disconnecting from the Universal Source Energy. This was a potent part of my process of growth and evolution.
Fitting realization as I sat in contemplation during Winter Solstice.
Over a month has passed since I started this intentional process of radically changing how I work, produce, connect, and create. I’m all the better for it but it is still a process. For those of you who find your usual ways of working just aren’t working, take heed to my message, sit still. Take a breath.
